A Letter to LDS Families Experiencing Same Sex Attraction

I know of many families whose children are facing some form of same sex attraction (SSA).

Mormon parents, especially, tend to flip out about this sort of thing. Parents who know the Gospel want their children to receive every blessing possible! I know this. I want the same thing for my babies. We all want the best for our kids, and SSA doesn’t necessarily lead one down the pathway to the Temple.

But I’m here to tell you that it still can! With patience, and grace, I navigated my way to the Temple. I dealt with my same sex attraction, and am here to tell you all to chill out about it.

I know it seems silly to advise you to “chill out” about it, but I really mean that. These things take time. Trials take time to navigate. [Y’all know mine sure did!]

I know it can be hard, as a parent, to watch your child struggle. But struggle, they must, in order to find their own way. You cannot find it for them, and should you try, you may only cause more harm to their sense of self-understanding and self-love. They need to figure some things out, and really the best thing you can do for them is give them the time and space necessary to figure out whatever they need to.

I hear of suicides related to same sex attraction, and hope for my story to inspire others that There Is Always Hope. And that, so long as you stay close with the Lord, there will always be help there to guide you.

If and when you should experience doubts, try to grow in the knowledge of the restored gospel. Have faith in this knowledge. It truly is the only place in the world where we can get what we need, in order to deal with whatever experiences come to find us. The Restored Gospel prepares us for our trials, and ushers in the confidence, faith and trust we need to persevere life’s toughest times.

God knows and loves each and every one of us. He is there to help, should we want Him to [and I’m thoroughly convinced He helps us regardless of what we want]. The gospel teaches us to love everyone, and to give others a break. It teaches us not to judge what we don’t understand, and to have faith in the Lord’s guidance.

The more you study the gospel’s teachings, the more you come to understand the bigger picture, and see how our Father in Heaven has truly “got this”! All we have to do is our best, each of us, to stay close to Him, and live our lives in the light of His teachings.

In the light of the restored gospel, we are taught how to keep ourselves clean spiritually. We are also taught to offer assistance for others when we can. But then, that’s about it. Our purpose is not to control others or force them to live by our standards – not even our own children. We are God’s children, first and foremost.

I have been surprised to find out how many people I know go to church every Sunday, and yet don’t understand or see the big picture.

One thing that helps Brenda and I as parents, I think, is being older; being more experienced with life. We have seen more throughout our lives and try not to get worked up about every little thing with our kids. We try to teach them what they need to know, support them, and love them endlessly.

But, someday, they will have to make their own choices… about everything. My parents were young when I was born, and I am not going to get worked up about how I was parented. They did the best they could and I love ‘em for that, no matter what.

If your son or daughter has same sex attraction, try to relax about it, and find the faith you need to be there for your child.

The Lord is aware of them, and it’s all going to be okay.


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